Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's prominent entertainers used the airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song directed at the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new plan that enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "premium" version for $5 million. An official page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One message for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, requiring significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.